Getting tired of fighting.

So I'm BACK on bed rest again! UGH I hate it so much!
I had another procedure done early last month and at first I was so sick and in pain but then I was feeling alot better. And I was thinking 'wow! I'm finally back!'
Well ..... it didn't last long.
I was in the middle of the store a few days ago shopping and I had a relapse and I collasped to the ground hyperventilating and in so much pain I kept kinda going in and out of consciousness!
So I saw my doctor again and they ordered me to bed rest for a while. 
But what they've been thinking and hinting at is something really bad and if they can't figure out where the issue is, well then I wont be worrying about pain or anything again!
And you know, that doesn't freak me out? Many would freak getting news like that, but I didn't.
I truly believe it's because I'm so tired of fighting a never ending battle, I don't have that much left in me.
Sounds depressing but it's the honest truth.